no mistake.

The other night we had an @ home date night with a movie & my favorite super healthy dinner... chips, velveeta & rotel :) I kept hearing how funny this movie was, so I had been looking forward to renting it. It was really funny, but it caught me by surprise big time. I was not expecting it to hit home as much as it did. But then again, it was perfect timing with how I had been feeling the week before.

I'll rewind a bit ... that week was a great week in a lot of ways. Our first days of school went really well. The kids worked hard and we enjoyed some new ways of learning that I had fun planning out. Regardless, my week had some major challenges as well ... when the boys would not listen to me no matter how loudly I yelled to override their unbelievable focus on making each other laugh instead of paying attention to my instruction; when I felt like every 60 seconds someone needed something... and I was not in the mood to be interrupted; when it seemed like someone was either whining, crying, yelling or all three every 5 minutes ... it was pretty rough at times.

What I just described can be the norm on any given day in any household with children. I get that. But the hardest part for me was how defeated I felt & all the thoughts that were going through my head... how incapable I felt to be the mother of these little people... what was God thinking putting me in charge of these 4 when I am clearly not being the mother they need me to be, much less the mother I really desire to be? I've certainly had bad days just like any other mom, but this took the cake.

So fast forward a few days to our date night... I was really looking forward to a simple night - a comedy & some good dip. I had no idea I was in for something "deep" instead. I related to the main character, Ally, pretty much immediately. She struggled so much because she knew she was living out her dream [when I was a little girl, all I ever dreamed about was being a wife & mom too], yet couldn't understand why she felt the way she did. By the end of the movie I was in tears because of this quote said to her from a tough guy with a huge heart played by Trace Adkins: "I doubt the good Lord made a mistake giving your kiddos the mom he did." I'm sure this sounds pretty crazy to some, but I know God used that movie to encourage me - I needed to hear those words.

The truth is I do not have what it takes to be the mom I desire to be. I'm way too selfish, impatient & unkind @ times ... and I lack self-control much more then I would love to admit. Just like with most good movies though, thankfully there is a happy ending here. When [keyword] I focus my eyes on the only One who can supply my needs, my days look much different. There may still be rowdy, whiny & disobedient children all around me, but I'm not consumed by it. The change isn't them... it's ME.
"Seek the Lord and his strength. Seek his presence continually." [Psalm 105:4]
"Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." [Psalm 37:4]